You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
