my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
