I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
