Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
