Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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