I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
