I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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