in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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