You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
