i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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