i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
