please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
