Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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