people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
