Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
