i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
