dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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