My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
