I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
