You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
