Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
