I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she looked like the before picture.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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