I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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