It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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