am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
