Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
