Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my shit smells like andre
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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