you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
