The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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