Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
