Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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