New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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