I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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