I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
