Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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