Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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