sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
