I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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