I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
