Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
