The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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