I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
