new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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