Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
