Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
