I could have mohawked her pubes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
