i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
