Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
