hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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