Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
