I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
