just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
