I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
