how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
