Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
