Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
