I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
